Just over a year ago I was starring at this picture.
I had received an email from our social work of a little girl she had been telling me about. I had read her email over and over trying to soak in the words I was reading. I was replaying the conversation with the social worker about this little girls history. I kept reading,asking myself can I do this. Am I ready to parent this little girl. Am I willing to take another huge risk as to falling in love and loosing her? She wasn't yet legally free for adoption but they felt the case going that way. We were told the social worker and the foster parents were pushing for placement to ensure that when she was legally free for adoption she could quickly begin her new life in her forever family. I didn't know if I was up for it. Her story was pretty hard. I was beginning to come up with my answers to her questions in the next 18 years, did I have the right ones? I called Nathaniel filled him in.....we sat on the phone in silence. Could we do this? We wanted to, we wanted her.... we knew we wanted her to be ours...but were we capable? At this point I only knew her sad beginning. Later in the evening I went back in to read the email again. For the first time I noticed a picture was attached. My heart stopped for a second. I had been trying to picture her face. What did she look like? Was she big or little? Did she have brown or green eyes? Did she have hair?
After what seemed like the longest download in history I saw her face.
I knew I couldn't say no. I would take the risk, I wasn't really in control anymore. My heart had seen the twinkle in her eyes and the list of issues no longer mattered. The Questions she would have for me I would search high and low for the right answer. I knew my life wouldn't be complete with her.
Today she is the same little girl, with the same twinkle in her eye. What the documents of issues and health concerns didn't mention was that she sings the best twinkle little star ever. She brightens everyone day, and was totally worth the risk at a broken heart.
I had received an email from our social work of a little girl she had been telling me about. I had read her email over and over trying to soak in the words I was reading. I was replaying the conversation with the social worker about this little girls history. I kept reading,asking myself can I do this. Am I ready to parent this little girl. Am I willing to take another huge risk as to falling in love and loosing her? She wasn't yet legally free for adoption but they felt the case going that way. We were told the social worker and the foster parents were pushing for placement to ensure that when she was legally free for adoption she could quickly begin her new life in her forever family. I didn't know if I was up for it. Her story was pretty hard. I was beginning to come up with my answers to her questions in the next 18 years, did I have the right ones? I called Nathaniel filled him in.....we sat on the phone in silence. Could we do this? We wanted to, we wanted her.... we knew we wanted her to be ours...but were we capable? At this point I only knew her sad beginning. Later in the evening I went back in to read the email again. For the first time I noticed a picture was attached. My heart stopped for a second. I had been trying to picture her face. What did she look like? Was she big or little? Did she have brown or green eyes? Did she have hair?
After what seemed like the longest download in history I saw her face.
I knew I couldn't say no. I would take the risk, I wasn't really in control anymore. My heart had seen the twinkle in her eyes and the list of issues no longer mattered. The Questions she would have for me I would search high and low for the right answer. I knew my life wouldn't be complete with her.
Today she is the same little girl, with the same twinkle in her eye. What the documents of issues and health concerns didn't mention was that she sings the best twinkle little star ever. She brightens everyone day, and was totally worth the risk at a broken heart.
1 comments:
Love this post! Love you! Love her! Part of me cannot believe that was a year ago... the other part can't remember your family without her. She fits in perfectly!
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